Intention: Releasing Guilt and Shame

Shame:

: a feeling of guilt, regret, or sadness that you have because you know you have done something wrong

: ability to feel guilt, regret, or embarrassment

: dishonor or disgrace

Guilt:

: responsibility for a crime or for doing something bad or wrong

: a bad feeling caused by knowing or thinking that you have done something bad or wrong

What if I didn’t carry guilt and shame? How would I be? Would I be more judgemental? Would I do less to appease others, and ultimately more to appease myself?

What is the sense in carrying these two inherited conditions of humanity? This guilt, this shame are the hamartia of man.

I heard someone describe guilt and shame being as the original sin; the resulting consequence in acceptance of the forbidden fruit of knowledge and free will, and hence turning ‘our’ backs on God.

Should a parent feel guilty if the children are left under the care of another, whilst they seek some precious time with their partner or themselves? Should a child feel shame if they chose a life that is not of their parents expectations? Should any person feel a sense of guilt and shame if they are honouring their greater sense of being?

I guess the more appropriate question would be--did one do something wrong? Fundamentally when we come to these moments when there is overwhelming guilt and shame attached to an interaction or a situation, we have to be courageous enough to ask if one (I) did something wrong?

In coming to understand that in practising our free will, there are natural consequences assumed in such undertakings, and the power in taking hold of that ability to make our own decisions should be one that is unfettered from any negative emotional recourse--given that it is not decided with malicious intention.

The guilt and shame embedded in each of us as our souls became conditioned into this life, is not one we should carry so heavily as we journey.

Yours,

in immutable LOVE.

Intention: Communication

Latin communis common, munus service, gift, Sanskrit mayate he exchanges

communicare to impart, participate

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. ~ George Bernard Shaw

My intention to communicate effectively has been a great challenge for me, particularly in the past few weeks when life has placed lessons in front of me, which has caused my whole being to recede to seek what I can grasp to make sense of it all.
My withdrawal, as a means of survival in my past (marriage), has now become the very thing which has strangled my ability to remain open and accessible to others around me. This auto-pilot mode that has so efficiently brought me through my most trying times emotionally; the very thing that allowed me to wake up, and proceed in my day without causing interruption to my children’s lives, or my work life; this modus operandi and paradigm in which I lived, unquestioned and un-argued is now a premise that is false, and counterproductive.

When I am in my auto-pilot mode, I have my tape-recorder in my head, on repeat and I am telling myself to not be a bother to anyone, not to cause anyone discomfort or have anyone fuss over me. I tell myself that I am SOLELY responsible, there is no one else that will take care of my children, or my house, or pay my bills. If I don’t make this ship float, then it all ends.

So, in effect, if I have concerns, I squash them-they aren't important, I shouldn't bother with such triviality which may turn out to be nothing anyway.

And when my concern becomes something too big, too suffocating and too overwhelming, I burst, and my words come out all wrong, and the situation then becomes far too painful to deal with, and the cycle begins again as I become silent.

I am very good at saying I am sorry, thank you, I love you and a myriad of heart messages expressing my deepest connection with a person. I couldn’t find it in myself to convey to the man I love when he was heading off to school that I was concerned about losing connection with him, with the distance and the separation, and the daily business of it all--I just never said anything. I never gave my concerns the stage so that he could speak to them, and put them to rest or perhaps not, but at the very least they would have been acknowledged by me.

When it comes to my opening up my emotional viscera, peering inside and exposing that which is the biggest gift (through communication) of myself to others, I hesitate. Judgement is a fear that is common to many who are unwilling to be vulnerable, as it is to me. I understand the importance of vulnerability and have made leaps and bounds in allowing others to see my ungraceful humanity, and know of my innate desire to be of use or service; be of value to others through sharing my experiences regardless of anothers opinion.

The biggest hurdle I face is asserting myself in a dignified, and respectful manner to those who are closest to me. Communicating that their behaviour or their words impact me is such ways, and being able to discuss through to understanding (on both sides).

I have failed in doing this very thing with the man I love.

All this tells me that I have new behaviors to work on, and set in place. My need for survival has been surpassed by a driven desire to thrive, and really connect in joy with those I love dearly.

Please continue this journey with me.

yours, in immutable LOVE.

Intention: Patience

Patient. Adjective or Noun. Is one patient or is one a patient?

The etymology of the present form of 'patient' comes from the Latin word 'patiens' : suffering, enduring, allowing, acquiescing, submitting and long suffering.

*Good things come to those who wait*

*Patience is a virtue*

"Genius is eternal patience." Michelangelo. Think about it for a moment. Patience and suffering go hand in hand, although at first impression we would separate the two without much thought. They are the dichotomy that exists in this journey that I have stumbled upon, much to my chagrin, but also to my illuminated acknowledgement.

I ask for patience every day. I ask for the suffering, in other words. I ask for the opportunity to have life mirror itself in front of me so that I may have the strength to face all that comes my way. And it does, in full force (as it always does-thank you, dear life!) with out remorse.

The  issuance of life, it's forbearance, and the attached gravity provided has been more than enough to crumble this spirit of mine.

Raising children after a broken marriage, holding steadfast to a self-reassurance mantra, employment, chores, bills and the ensuing myriad of tasks that fall into the cracks of time that was my daily life--I didn't really think of patience, I simply functioned.

But, life is changing. My children are getting older, and there is much to do to propel them forth into their lives. And I find my angst making it's presence known. It screams at me to hurry up. It asks why I don't have any help; why I don't accept help easily, and it demands my attention regularly.

So, I ask for patience. And over these past weeks, I have learned that most of all--I need to be patient with myself; suffering with myself. And I ask do I really need to?

My expectations are all wrapped up in the suffering, and hence the patience I ask for. I create that angst within myself.

This understanding, this new perception of patience, suffering and my intention has come full circle. I need not ask for patience, or suffering for that matter, I have both. What I ask for is immutable LOVE. It encompasses all the strength, durability and courage I need as I head further into this wonderful journey.

Intention: Gratitude

Latin gratus grateful, thanks, appreciation, thankfulness

What are you grateful for?

Are you only grateful when good things happen?

Are you grateful for others blessings?

Are you grateful for the opportunities you have in your life that contribute to the abundance you have? Being able to pay bills, drive your vehicle..and all the countless little items that add up to the life you call yours.

In my experience, GRATITUDE is powerful cornerstone in which to begin a journey to finding peace in ones life.

There is no penitence to pay with gratitude, but there is only one requirement to fully receive it's intent. One simply cannot partake of gratitude in the future if one cannot be grateful now. It's the kind of lesson that is difficult sometimes as we toil to improve our life situations, finances, health or whatever it may be. Some tend to look at the current status of their lives, and dissatisfaction skews the ability to see what can be appreciated with the thinking that says "I will be happy when.."
Once I had a good handle on my own sense of dissatisfaction, my gratitude flowed forthwith, as did abundance.

I also began recognizing abundance is not simply related to material abundance. It is imagination, creativity, love, interaction and learning, the opportunity to expand perceptual horizons, and variety!

I have learned also that appreciating what others provide as abundance to us and in turn acknowledging that in order to give, one has to receive, and vice versa. We do not get to keep the good stuff, and not share what we get in return!

I had faced a situation, some time ago, where my life hung in the balance of another persons decision. I presented my case, representing the facts in accepted sincerity that I may have to live my life in such a way that consequences would be so dire that it would place my family in hardship, but I had accepted that responsibility and possibility, and gratefully learned the lesson. This surrendering of control and sheer appreciation of the lesson bestowed upon me allowed me to move through this challenging time with peace in my being.

And so the cycle of gratitude, abundance and surrender takes place.

Voltaire:Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.

yours,

in immutable LOVE.