Intention: Change

change - to make or become something different

Sedit qui timuit ne non succederet

He who feared he would not succeed sat still

He said to me about 20 years ago when I was still very naive that I wasn’t like other women. He said that I wasn’t ambitious enough.
Oh my. That stung to the very core. I was twisted, hurt, angry and stunned. The man I married thought I wasn’t good enough. Did I react and ask him why he said that? Not at all. I have not had that conversation with him to this very day. But those words he said to me in the car that day were carried in my mind and heart for every moment of those years.

The epiphany I had with this particular situation was that it was a call to change. It may have been a exchange of words between two people in a car one day and it may not even be remembered by him-still the gravity and impact of those words were a catalyst that sparked an immense shift inside me.

Multum in parvo -- Much in little

The shift didn’t happen immediately, of course. Little by little, decisions (conscious and vice versa) were made, realizations and struggles ensued. Moving through the illusionary desires to actually seeing what the reality of my life really and undoubtedly looked like.

It was a gradual unraveling of the layers of un-knowing, moving to a state of understanding.

What was I understanding?

I began to understand my own contribution to my own life.

• It wasn't about my husband being my knight in shining armour, or having the perfect family--which soon became very apparent that we didn’t fit into that category. 
• I began understanding how much I clung to not being judged, I feared it more and tried harder to fight it. I came to understand that judgement came from me.

• I began to understand that every need I had that I thought should be provided by my husband and family was really something I needed to give to myself first.
• I finally understood what it means to be truly RESPONSIBLE. To completely own and acknowledge all that transpires in my life was created by me--through my intentions, my conscious thoughts and manifesting itself in my actions.

All of this was about me.

To ask someone else to change is as simple as asking for someone to pass the salt. It requires no work. To require yourself; to summon the creative and powerful force that resides with in each of us is a monstrous task. It is full of fear, trepidation and understandably is overwhelming.

The degree to which the change is needed is to the degree of effort put forth.

Once I agreed within the quiet moments of my mind to change, and embrace the very many things I needed to look at, and own, my path to peace began. Am I in a state of peace everyday now? Not at all. If I were to compare where I was about 6-10 years ago, then the difference is astounding.

As this present moment encompasses the past and the future, I now have a greater understanding too, that as I move forward in my daily life, I have the opportunity to correct and balance where I had once left imbalance and confusion. It is about being aware, and seizing those moments as they appear--because they will appear, if you keep your eyes, ears and heart open.

yours, in immutable LOVE.